Friday, March 30, 2007

Jude Law is dating Lindsey Lohan. What a whore. Her too. I told hubby and he said to me, "you know, he really is a jerk." Like he's giving me dating advice. Yes, I know Jude is a player, but he's just so hot I'd like to believe he's the perfect man. Also, what the hell is going on with American Idol? Sinjaya? What? Ridonkulous. Almost makes me want to boycott the show. Almost.

We got "Shut Up and Sing" off pay-per-view last night. I LOVE the Dixie Chicks, fully supported them from the get go, and highly enjoyed their political statements. Also enjoyed the big DUH from people who realized that they were wrong about George "dumb fuck" Bush, and came crawling back. The whole movie (documentary) made me teary eyed (allergies) to realize what a fucked up country we live in. I'm not huge into politics, but I know there's some real messed up stuff going on. Way too many people being killed for no damn good reason. That's my rant, I'll just leave it there.

I've been hanging out with my friend Georgia again. After a month of not hearing from her, now we're buddy buddy again. I'm happy about it because she's fun and I enjoy being around her, but I still think the whole situation was weird. She swears she wasn't mad at me, or hadn't stopped liking me, she just had too much going on. Her husband was leaving for Iraq, she's going to have surgery and had to go to lots of she didn't feel like talking to people. I guess I can sympathize, but really, a month? So now we see each other at least every other day. Last Friday I was there most of the day, and we started drinking wine with dinner, and it was the most fun I've had in a LONG time. John, a neighbor came by because Georgia was babysitting his boys, and asked if one of us could give him a haircut. I mistakenly mentioned that I cut hair, mistakenly because I didn't want to cut this man's hair. I have known for awhile that he has a "thing" for me, which I just find funny. He lives alone in a trailer at the end of the street, he's about 40, and is just kind of a dork. Pierced his ears a few months ago. Mmmm, no. So when I said I could cut hair, didn't mean I wanted to cut his. But he is persistant! My thoughts were, "no, I don't want this man in my house, especially with hubby gone, and no, I don't want to go to your house." He wanted to do it at Georgia's house, and I kept trying to tell him that I was getting tipsy and didn't think it was a good idea. He didn't care. So I cut it. Then he left, and Georgia and I continued to drink, and for some reason we decided to call John. He decided to tell me that he found both Georgia and myself very attractive, etc etc. We were teasing him, saying we were stripping (I know we sound about 14, but we were drunk!) and that he should come back over. He thought we were serious. Basically the conversation got a little carried away, mainly on his part. He told me that his ex could have 30 orgasms a night. Um, yeah right. Something I didn't want to think about, with him at least. Eww. Long story short, I missed my Georgia and am glad she's back.

I'm hoping to leave tonight to head to my dad's house, about 2 hours away, but it's supposed to rain all day and night and day. I HATE driving in the rain, especially in the dark. I had hoped to stop midway where there's an Old Navy and return over $100 worth of clothes. Good for me. I love the way their clothes fit, but I hate the sateen fabrick they use because it pics up hair like a mofo. I told hubby to be home by 5 or 6, but we'll see. He's always at least 30 minutes late.

Time for my morning nap.

8:34 AM 1 comments

Thursday, March 29, 2007

I'm getting ready for my big drunken orgy this weekend. I mean bachelorette party. I'm excited, but nervous too, as I've never left chickadee this long. At the same time, I cannot wait to get away from her. She's driving me insane! Whine whine whine whine all day. That's besides the point, I'm excited to have a weekend to myself, sleep in, go shopping, all without having a little person tagging along. I dyed my hair blond last night to complete the hootchy feel, and it actually turned out okay. It's not bleach blond, just a few shades lighter than my mousy brown. I also bleached the self tanner off of my arm. I'm such a dork. I'm wearing a white halter (!!!) so I bought those silicone booby things that cover up the nips and don't show under the shirt. They'd be cool if they'd stick, but they don't. Plus my boobs are so saggy now from baby/and feeding that the whole effect is just wrong. I was really hoping they'd work so I could wear them with tanks and halters this summer. Boo.

I've been spending so much money lately, and I think it's a stress thing. I feel really low, and shopping gives me that high that I feel I need. Then I feel guilty. For instance, I LOVE to scrapbook, but haven't since the baby came, can't really even get to my stuff because it's in the gross basement and can't take chicadee down there, but I constantly buy scrapbook stuff. I think I've placed 3 orders online, and been to 2 scrapbooking stores in the past week. Then I just get even more stressed. And Target...God I shouldn't even go near that store. I worked there for 2 years too and I still love it. Maybe when I go back to the psych he can up my meds? Is there an anti-spending med?

4:27 PM 0 comments

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Sometimes I feel like my life just sucks. Utterly and completely. One day last week, don't remember which, I called hubby at work to ask him something. The girl tells me he had left for the day, although it was only 2 and he was scheduled til 7. I was going into town anyway, so I thought I'd drive by his work and make sure the girl wasn't just screwed up. His car was not there. So like any suspicious wife I drove to bar ave, found his car, then found him in his favorite bar, doing a crossword puzzle while smoking a cigarette and drinking a beer. WHY????? We went outside and I told him AGAIN that I wouldn't put up with this, that if he continued to drink and smoke that I would leave. I do not want Chickadee raised in this environment. He just doesn't seem to get it. Doesn't get why I don't really want to talk to him (now that it's about a week later), why I'm upset with him, why I'm so damn suspicious of everything he says. I have no trust in him. I am at a complete loss. If it weren't for this damn house, I'd leave. Go live with my dad, which the thought of absolutely horrifies me, or move in with hubby's parents 3 states away. I want a husband I can trust. One that doesn't drink all the time. One that answers his damn cell phone and tells me where he is and when he'll be home. I'm only 26, I don't want to waste my entire life worrying about this shit. Because I know it can be better. I also know it could be a lot worse, but I opt for better.

See, this is why I didn't want to restart this blog. All I do is bitch about hubby.

I'll try to better tomorrow. I'll bitch about something else.


2:31 PM 4 comments

Thursday, March 22, 2007

I went to the psychiatrist on Monday, and had to re-tell everything for the 14th time, about my depression, episodes, anxiety, etc. He upped my depression meds, as the amount I was taking was practically negligable, and also gave me Lorazip@m for sleep. It's an anti-anxiety drug, in the same category as v@lium. He didn't want to give me one of the popular sleep drugs, like lunest@ or @mbien, as they can cause dependency. He also only gave me 15 pills. Why? I got them filled on Tuesday, hubby and chickadee came with me and we ran errands, and also visited a few pet stores where I tried (unsuccessfully) to convince hubby that I needed a chihuahua or a guinea pig or a turtle. We went out to dinner, then got some movies and some wine. We started drinking after Chickadee went to bed, started to watch Running with Scissors, and of course got distracted. A bottle of wine and a pill later, I decided to call it a night. That was around 11. Woke up at 2:30 and could see that hubby was still up, so I went to see what he was doing, as it was his turn to get up with chickadee. First thing I notice is that the hallway is really wet. I ask hubby why the hallway is wet and he says it shouldn't be, he's just misting it. He's got a Febreze bottle in his hand. I could tell right away that something was up, that he was acting a lot stranger than just having a bottle of wine in his system. Great. I go to my bottle of pills, and sure enough, there are only 9 there. Meaning he's taken 5 of them. I push him towards bed while he's protesting, saying he's got more to do, still has to rearrange. I make him lie down, although he says he'll get right back up. Leave, and wait to see if he gets up. Nope. Didn't think so.

I go back to bed, but am a little worried, so I texted my SIL, and told her what hubby did. She freaked out and called poison control, and made me call the local chapter. I did. Their advice? Take him to the ER. Ugh. So I go and wake him, tell him what we're doing, help him into his pants, wake up Chickadee, wait for hubby as he pees, then watch as he climbs back into bed. And refuses to get up. So I put Chickadee back in bed (sorry baby!!!), and decide to call 911. So they come, check out hubby's vitals, ask if he's suicidal, if we'd been fighting. I try to explain that my husband is just an oddity, drugs that should make him sleep actually do the opposite and get him riled up. He'd been cleaning, for hell's sake, he scrubbed the kitchen floor in his druggy haze. After awhile we all decide that he's fine and doesn't need to be taken in, which was good for us, as hubby has no insurance. So they all leave at about 4, and we can finally get to bed. I told hubby to keep the monitor, but if he was too tired when chickadee woke up, to come get me. I also set my alarm to check that he got up. But 6 rolls around, and the laxative I took the afternoon before decides to kick in, so from 6-7 I'm on the toilet in lots of pain. My alarm was set for 7:30, got up to see if hubby was getting up since I could hear chickadee, and he said he was just getting up. And he sounded completely normal so I went back to bed because I was EXHAUSTED. Around 10, hubby walks in with some papers and says, were there some men in my room last night? He thought it was all a dream! Until he found the papers from the EMS and police. So I had to explain the whole thing to him. He felt completely fine, except for being a little tired. I couldn't believe it, after all I'd been through, and he had no idea.

My friend came over last night to trim my hair, and today when I styled it I'm not too happy. It's uneven and choppy and a LOT shorter than I wanted. I'm trying to grow it out, but she cut it to just below my shoulders. I guess it's better than having horrible split ends, but it's never going to get long at this rate! I shouldn't complain, she does it for free.

I'm still tired today, although I went to bed at 10:15, and didn't get up until 7:15. It's about time for Chickadee's nap, and I think I'll join her. I need to figure out how to wake myself up. I'm such a night person, 8 pm or so is when I want to start cleaning and doing projects and exercising. That's a little difficult when I've got a little one on an opposite schedule.

I signed up for Yahoo Instant Messenger, after not having been on it for 3 or more years. The first person to appear on my list? My mom's old name. That was like a punch in the gut, I wasn't expecting to see it. I even started crying, and I haven't cried over my mom in a LONG time.

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9:39 AM 2 comments

Monday, March 19, 2007

Saturday. Hubby had to go to work for 12 hours. Says he'll be home around 7:30. Comes home at 9:15. His excuse? He heard there was a cool jazz band playing and wanted to go see it, so he stopped by, but it wasn't there. I don't get his reasoning! Why is that okay? Maybe if we talked about it, but for him to just not come home because he wanted to go out pisses. me. off. I can't do that, not with Chickadee. We have responsibilities. I got really upset, so I think that woke him up a little. I had purchased Borat, since we hadn't seen it and from all the hype I figured it would be one that we'd watch again. I laughed my ass off. I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard. And we had to re-watch it because we missed some of it...

Sunday was a better day. Hubby was actually cleaning! Without me asking him to! We went to the park with Chickadee, stayed for a good 2 hours. Ran into some girls (women? I still think of all of us as girls, even though we're in our mid to late twenties) I know from mom's club. These girls I've tried to get together with before, but they're really flaky. It's another thing that makes me wonder if I try too hard, because they don't seem that eager to get together. I just want friends! Why is it so hard to make friends as an adult? I thought it would be easier because people would be more mature and honest, but I think it's harder. Maybe it's just that I've never been this lonely before, living out in the middle of butt fuck USA, in a tiny town where most people don't have all their teeth.

I get to go to the mental doctor today, finally, after waiting 2 months. Hopefully he'll give me some good drugs, as that's the only reason I'm doing this in the first place. Drugs for my 'episodes,' drugs for sleeping, drugs for my OCD...

2:11 PM 4 comments

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Read my VisualDNA Get your own VisualDNA™

8:49 PM 0 comments

So after calling and calling hubby last night, I finally just went to bed around 10:30. I awoke around 1 and went to check and see if he was home, and he was on the couch watching tv. Asked him (of course) why he was so late, and he started saying something about a homework assignment being due at midnight, blah blah blah. Then I asked him how work was. He said, "stupid. They double-scheduled me." I then told him that I had tried calling him and they told me he wasn't there, and the man has the gall to get mad at me! For calling him at work! I always call him at work, I couldn't believe he was getting so defensive. I said I was calling because I wanted to let you know that we have a new nephew. He then explained that double-scheduled meant there were too many people, so he went and then left. Then I asked him if he was seeing someone, and he literally exploded. Got furious with me and started saying how only I would think that because it's something I would do (I did cheat on him when we were engaged. Long story. I was living in another country, it was a looooooong time ago), but he never would cheat. I was furious, not only that he was getting so angry, but that he is still pointing fingers at me. We 'supposedly' have gotten past that, but obviously not. He started telling me to fuck off, so here we are screaming at each other, Chickadee wakes and starts crying, I feel horrible for having woken her up, furious at my husband for being such a dick, so I just go back to bed. He had to be up early for work, luckily before Chickadee was up, so I didn't have to talk to him, and he didn't say good-bye.

Around 11:30 he called my cell phone, which I debated on answering, but I did out of curiousity. "I just wanted to call and say I love you." Then he went on to apologize about how hostile he was last night and that he'd been feeling really guilty about it. He was just really offended that I would accuse him of cheating, since he was really hurt in the past and knows how it feels and would never do it. I calmly explained my side, that 1) we haven't had sex in a month, even though I've lost a lot of weight and am trying to look nice, he doesn't seem to even notice, 2)he never answers his phone, and 3)he's not at work when he's supposed to be and comes home super late. I think it's completely reasonable to have these fears, no matter how much you know someone loves you. So...long story short, I guess we're okay for now. He won't be home from work for another 4 or 5 hours, but we'll see how things go tonight and tomorrow. I bought Borat, so maybe we can snuggle on the couch tonight and make things better.

4:00 PM 0 comments

Friday, March 16, 2007

Oh my hell. I think I'm going to be sick. My nephew was born today, and I was so excited, and my brother asked me to call the rest of the family to let them know, as he was busy at the hospital. I called my other brothers and my dad, then realized I hadn't called hubby. I called him at work and the girl that answered the phone said she didn't think he was there. ???? He told me he was going to work, got ready and left. She went to go check, but my dad called on my other line so I hung up, with the intent to call back. Called back a few minutes later and got a different woman and asked for hubby. He had mentioned working in the kennel (he works at a vet's office), so I thought maybe that's why they hadn't seen him. This chick said they were swamped and would go find him when she was done with the customers. Not a problem. This was about 5. 6 comes and goes, no hubby. Finally at 6:40 I call back, and get the second woman again. She said she hadn't ever gone to find him, so she went to go look. Couldn't find him. She also said that she should've seen him if he'd been working. That's when my heart fell to about my knees. Grabbed chickadee and got in the car. Unfortunately it's about 40 minutes to hubby's work, so I was trying to hurry without speeding, and got there about 7:15. His car wasn't there, and he NEVER leaves before then. So I head for 'bar ave' to see if I can find his car. Can't see it anywhere, and Chickadee is asleep at this point so I don't want to drag her out to scout out the bars. Decide just to go home. Hubby's not home. He's not been answering his cell - but I'm not surprised, he NEVER answers. It's usually just off. Which on a side note, he never leaves his phone on at home, and it's always 'hidden.' I never see it. So I log onto our verizon account and look at who he's been calling. Nothing suspicious. Look at who he's been texting. Just one number, once, and it's local. So using a calling card so my number doesn't show up, I call it. The voicemail says it's someone named Janelle. Now, this could be completely innocent, could be someone from school he's been studying with. Or it could be something not so innocent. Unfortunately verizon doesn't post details for the current week, so I don't know what he's done since the 9th. It's now 9:20 and he's not home. It's spring break so he shouldn't be studying. I just don't know what to do or think. I feel sick, my legs are shaky. In some strange way, I almost wanted to catch him doing something clandestine, as it would give me an out. But not really. I married him because I love him. I do not want to get divorced. I do not want to be a single mother. I do not want to have to move in with my dad or hubby's parents. I do not want to put chickadee in day care while I get a job. I do not want to sell our house. Etc etc. So if he's not at work and not at the bars, where is he?


10:10 PM 2 comments

I've been having a lot of dreams lately about men. Men that aren't my husband. When I wake up, I'm disappointed to wake up because I liked the dream so much. Some of the men are people I know (like him), but most are just men that my mind has created. And they're hot. I think the part that worries me most is how disappointed I am when I wake up. Is this normal? I love my husband and would never cheat on him, but sometimes it just gets so boring. Especially since we haven't had sex for a month. We haven't gone that long since right after Chickadee was born. I've heard of the 7 year itch, but the 2.5 year itch? Well, we've been together 6 years, so I suppose it's close. But I find myself looking at guys when I'm out, and looking if they're wearing rings or not. I don't wear a ring. Not because I'm wanting guys to pick up on me, but because my ring gives me a rash. I think hubby and I just need to reconnect and I won't be feeling like this. I think it's more loneliness than anything, thinking that maybe someone else could fill that void, be a better husband. Man, I didn't intend to write all that, I just wanted to write about the dreams.

Everyone has a top 5 right? These are mine. God they're gorgeous.

3:25 PM 1 comments

Thursday, March 15, 2007

I just got an email in regards to a bridal shower/bachelorette party of an old high school friend. The email was a PDF, with details of times we'll be going places, cost, and all additional info. Wait, let me explain this wedding. It's going to be in Miami. Neither my friend nor her fiancee are from there. Not even close, they're both mid-west kids. Accomodations are at The Palms. Anybody watch entertainment tv? Yeah, the Palms is ritzy glitzy expensive. Then there's a shower present, and a wedding present, then this bachelorette party which totals to $80 WITHOUT alcoholic beverages. Who has this kind of money? Plus I have to drive 2 hours and find a babysitter, overnight. We're not attending the wedding because after paying a lawyer $1500 for hubby's DUI, $800 for his diversion, and $1000 for my cat scans/EEGs, we just can't do it. Plus I'd have to find a sitter for Chickadee all weekend, and my dad will be in Peru and my sister-in-law will be in Texas for the same weekend. I guess I'm most upset/concerned because the girl this is all for was in my wedding and flew across the country to do it. But her dress only cost $30. And her parents are loaded. So I feel guilty for not going in the first place and want to be there for the bridal stuff...but c'mon!

Took Chickadee and drove 50 miles to the nearest Old Navy. Got some capris and shorts. Shorts! I know! And...dum da dum...size 8!!!! I was so excited, this dieting crap is paying off. Except I stopped and got Chickadee some fries and me a biggie diet coke from Wendy's, and I ended up eating half her fries. I looked online when I got home and there are 370 friggin calories in a small fry! Dammit, they weren't even that good. Anyway, 18 months later I finally am the size I was before I got pregnant. That's a good feeling, especially after feeling so down about it for so long. Although I know that Old NAvy sizes big, but who cares. The tag says 8!!!

I love taking Chickadee out, because it makes everyone so nice. They all stop and say how cute she is, and she'll smile for them and say hi. I love it.

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6:44 PM 1 comments

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

It feels like I cut my eyelids, but I don't know how I would've cut both. Then I realized I didn't put sunscreen on my lids, just everywhere else. I took Chickadee to the zoo today because it was so nice. I don't think she much cared for it, and my feet didn't either . That's my own fault though. I wore some new sandals with a 2 inch heel, and by then end I was walking around barefoot. Gross, I know, but I did not go in the bathroom.

My friend, the one that didn't call for a month? She called the other night. I'll call her Georgia, since that's where she's from. I was completely shocked to see her name on caller ID. Her hubby just left for Afghanistan, for 18 months. That's crazy to me. Chickadee hasn't even been around that long, but I cannot imagine my hubby being gone her entire lifetime. Georgia also has been having a lot of health issues, probably surgery next month. I can understand that things have been tough, but isn't that when you call your friends? I still think it's all a little odd, but I'm just not going to worry about it. Or at least try not to.

Went to Target today to get my BC, and ended up looking at bathing suits. And trying some on. And liking them! I didn't cry or get upset, and even bought one. I don't love the way I look, but I'm okay with it. No bikini, that's a given, but a tankini with a little skirt. It was cute, and hopefully people won't point and laugh.

I've been noticing for the past 2 weeks or so someone from a town near us constantly on my other blog. I log onto sitemeter and can see who's on, and this person has been on EVERY SINGLE TIME I've checked. And it's not like they logged on and left the computer, it's only been a few minutes. I've checked at least 10 times, it's making me a little paranoid. I don't know if I should post about it and ask who this person is, or just ignore it and hope it's someone who randomly found my blog and realized we're in the same area. I'm just worried because I did mention our town a few times (I went back and changed it, but it might be too late), with our names and pictures of our house. Not really sure how to go about dealing with this.

Dinnertime. Chickadee is calling.

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5:50 PM 1 comments

Friday, March 9, 2007

I've been trying ALL DAY to figure out bloglines/blogroll. Can't get either of them to work for me. Arghh. If anyone knows how to do it, could you please let me know? I love to read blogs, but I just don't have the time to click on each link (plus all the ones I haven't linked to yet) to see if there's new stuff. Plus, I feel guilty because Chickadee gets mad when I spend too much time on the computer.

I just put Chickadee to bed and I can hear her coughing up a storm. Went to check and make sure she wasn't puking. She seems fine, but I'm not sure why she's coughing so much.

Has anyone tried Tostitos new flour tortilla chips and/or spinach dip? So damn good. Got them at the store today and am now eating them for dinner. So much for my 1300 calories today! I do really well all day until it comes to night time, then I just can't control myself. Then I have to eat one of these every night, the chip and mint ice cream sundaes from Schwans.
I've been trying really hard to lose some weight, or at least tone up. I've lost 60 pounds since the birth of Chickadee, but my body is just different now. I weigh the same amount that I did when I got married, but I don't look the same. I just wish society wasn't so focused on weight and looks. I wish we could focus more on talents and smarts and personality. I'm just worried about the effects I'll have on Chickadee, and hope that I can be a positive role model for her. I guess to do that, I need to stop bitching about my weight!

So, it's now Monday evening. I had to cut this post short because hubby came home. What a crummy weekend, we fought the entire 3 days, which sucks because he didn't have to work. Instead of enjoying being together, we hid in separate rooms. He came home Friday night and I could tell he'd been drinking. We have issues with this. So I was PISSED, to say the least, and hubby kept saying he wasn't drunk. whatever. If I can tell the moment you walk in the door that you've been drinking, then that qualifies as drunk, or at least someone who shouldn't be driving. I went off on him for that, and he went to bed at 8:30. Saturday rolls around and I try to be civil to him, but all he does is sit on his ass and watch tv. I had borrowed our neighbor's ladder with the intent of taking down our christmas lights (that's right. Christmas lights. In March), since hubby kept saying our little ladder wouldn't work, and he's have to get on the roof and it was always icy, blah blah blah. I have this ladder for him, it's a gorgeous day, but he's still not doing it. I ask him if he just wants me to do it. And he ROLLS HIS EYES like that's not possible. So I went out and took down the damn lights. And you know what? It took me all of 10 minutes. Ggrrr. Later that night he starts looking at the tax forms. The forms I'd been asking him for a month to look at because I was confused and didn't understand them. The forms that I'd been asking him to let me take to H&R or have his sister do. He says to me, "did you even read this?" Oh my hell that pissed me off. And I told him. So again we went to bed mad. And today we went to H&R and got our taxes done! We did finally call a truce yesterday, and even went out to dinner and had an okay time.

Just went on a long walk with Chickadee. I'm exhausted! It got up to about 70 today, so nice, finally. I put her in these darling little striped athletic shorts from Target. They're too big and fall off of her ass, but she just looks so cute. I love this weather. My tulips are coming up, people are starting to hang out in their yards more, I can walk. I also cleaned up all the dog poo in the yard (also hubby's job) that's collected all winter so that Chickadee can play outside. Guess I should go see what she's doing. I stuck Babyeinstein on so I could sit down and type for 10 minutes.

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8:54 PM 2 comments

Wednesday, March 7, 2007

I stole this from Melissa, thought it looked like a cool way to find more blogs (like I NEED to do that, I can't keep up as it is). Go add yourself here. I love meeting new people through blogs, I really feel like some of these people are my friends, then I have to sit back and realize that I've never actually "met" these people.

IT'S PARTY TIME!!! I decided to bring my cat, Atticus, because he's cute and doesn't get enough attention. I would bring Chickadee, but she's in bed.

These little goodies are SO rich. I don't know what they're called, but here's the recipe.

8 oz cream cheese, softened
1/2 cup butter, softened
1 cup self rising flour

Beat together cheese and butter. Gradually add flour. Spoon dough into ungreased mini-muffin pans, fill full. Bake at 400 degrees for 15 minutes. Serve hot.

Look, I even brought presents!!!

8:37 PM 1 comments

We moved to this small town almost 2 years ago. In that time I've gotten to know quite a few of the women in my neighborhood, and consider some of them good friends. Only one stays home though, and she has anxiety issues. To the point that she won't go anywhere if her laundry is not done, etc. That's fine if that's her personality, but that means she doesn't like to get together as much as I'd like, or she cancels at the last minute, etc. She's actually coming over in a few minutes for cocktails. Anyway, that's not the point. Back in October I had heard that there was a girl a few streets over who stayed at home with a small child and her husband was to be deployed to Afghanistan in January. So I think to myself, why not go introduce myself and if we hit it off, great. Maybe someone to hang out with. So I pulled up my big girl panties and headed over there with Chickadee. We hit it off. She's exactly my age, with a 2 year old son. We started hanging out, going shopping or just sitting around drinking coffee, letting the kids play. We talked easily, told each other our husband woes, etc. I usually went to her house because she also has anxiety issues and doesn't like to leave her house (makes me a little paranoid that my house smells?). Fast forward to February or so. She stops calling. Her husband had to have surgery for his sleep apnea so his deployment got pushed back. They were having marital difficulties. I'd call her to say hi, we'd chat, she'd tell me everything that was going on, things seemed cool. Then she wouldn't call for a few weeks. Called her again, and point blank asked if something was wrong, if I offended her. She said no, and that she'd tell me if I did. Gave me her email address, said I could email her too. Another few weeks go by. I don't really want to keep calling, so I sent her a quick email last week saying that I hoped everything was okay and that I'm here if she needs anything. At one point she said that her hubby was supposed to leave the first weekend of March. Has he left? I have no clue. Never heard back from her. She never used to leave her house, but now when I drive by her car is usually gone. So I don't know. I feel like I'm in elementary school asking my little friends if they're mad at me. I don't want to keep bugging her if she doesn't want me around, I just wish she would be honest with me. Such a wierd situation, I haven't been in this kind of friendship since I was about 10! Any ideas would be welcome here. I'm a little lost.


4:01 PM 1 comments

Tuesday, March 6, 2007

I'm so glad to know that people don't think we're crazy for sleeping in separate rooms. Actually, I really don't care what people think because it keeps me sane! I saw something on tv about it once and a HUGE number of people do it. Maybe we're starting a new trend.

So...guess what time hubby got home last night? 1 freaking am. No call no nothing. I happened to get up around then to check and see if he was home yet, and he had just walked in. His excuse? He was mad at me. Give me a friggin break. So since I was mad at him too, should I have just taken chickadee out to the bars all night and had my own fun? I could tell he'd been drinking, which is a whole 'nother post; more accurately it should be a whole 'nother blog. Hubby got his THIRD DUI in December. THIRD. First since I've known him, but still. So things have been interesting around here lately. I guess I should throw a disclaimer in here, hubby is NOT a bad guy. At all. He's the sweetest, nicest, smartest, funniest, and loving man, he just has his problems like everyone else. He's trying so hard to get through school, work too, be a good father, etc. He ADORES chickadee. He's totally whipped by her, loves her to pieces. Would do anything for her. So when I complain I don't want to give off the impression he's a complete asshole, because he's really not. That said, what he pulled last night was a total asshole thing to do!

1:09 PM 2 comments

Monday, March 5, 2007

Took Chickadee to town today. Woohoo good times! We've been sick since last Monday, so I was dying to get out and about. I'm still feeling crappy, but I've had enough of being lazy. Started cleaning house tonight, and I have a whole list of projects to do; taxes, make a scrapbook for my friend, decorate boxes to put on the shelves next to my bed, make butterflies for chickadee's room...etc. I went to a friend's house yesterday for cocktails and I was so jealous of how neat and clean her house was, I'm really trying to declutter and clean. Her baby is only 4 months though, I'm sure her house won't be as clean once that baby is moving around! Anyway, we were loading the grocery bags into the trunk at WalMart as some people in the next car were getting ready to go in the store. An older couple with a small child in the backseat. They started talking to Chickadee and saying how cute she was, etc, and their little girl got out. Mom said, "she's 3, but looks lots older." I replied saying I thought she looked 3. "She was 8 pounds 1 oz 22 inches at birth." I again replied and said that Chickadee was 8.13. Not bragging at all, just trying to be nice. The guy then says, "when my daughter was born, she was 11 pounds 25 ounces. Completely natural. My ex-wife bit me and hit me at the same time." 25 ounces, huh. That's pretty incredible. I just had to laugh as I got in the car, it was such a strange and random conversation.

I have to admit something here, hubby and I sleep in separate rooms. It's SO nice. It all started when I was pregnant, because I was miserable and uncomfortable and had a hard time sleeping. He snores, so when I'd finally fall asleep and he'd start snoring, I'd get pissed. So he moved to the other room to finish out the pregnancy. Then the baby came and she slept in a cradle next to the bed, and like all newborns do, woke up every few hours to feed. Since I nursed, hubby couldn't really do much to help, and since he was in school and worked, he went to the spare room so he could sleep. And he's stayed there ever since. If we sleep together, he wakes me up with his snoring, so I wake him up to make him turn over, then he gets mad that he's awake and can't get back to sleep, it's a never ending circle. I don't mind at all. I like having my own bed, my own blankets, my quiet. I think if it affected our relationship I'd make him come back, but it doesn't. If anything, I think it helps. Except for today. I got up with Chickadee about 6:30, and I knew hubby was going to get up around 8. 8 comes and we go wake up hubby. He just lies there, eyes closed, doesn't even take out his earplugs. I asked him if he was going to get up, and of course he says he didn't sleep well and felt like shit. Um yeah, I feel like shit too, thanks. But you go ahead and keep sleeping. So I say, "well you're not going to see Chickadee at all, since she'll be napping when you get up, and in bed before you get home from work tonight. I just thought you'd want to spend some time with her." I don't think that's unreasonable. His response? "Don't try to guilt me into getting up." Oh my fucking hell. I was pissed. To spend 30 minutes with his daughter is guilting him into something. I was very mature in my response though. I very sweetly told him to fuck off and left the room.

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8:25 PM 2 comments


Just a normal girl in a not so normal world. I have a little girl and a husband. We live in middle-of-no-where USA. I waste WAY too much time reading blogs.

so many blogs, so little time*

  • A Day in the Life of a Terrible Mother
  • A Woman of Many Parts
  • Baby James
  • Beebop-aloobop
  • BlondeMomBlog
  • Canadian Thoughts in Texas
  • Celebrate We Will
  • Dooce
  • Emmakirstens Journal
  • Faith in Florida
  • Girl From Florida
  • Girl in the Village
  • Hairy Alien
  • hola, isabel
  • Hollow Squirrel
  • the house of h
  • Jason. For the love of God
  • JezeWhiz
  • Kira's Wonderland
  • Life as we know it
  • The Life and Times of a first time SAHM
  • Mama loves Papa
  • MO Mommy
  • Mommymatic
  • mommies are people, too
  • Motherbumper
  • MotherHen
  • New to Us
  • Playgroups Are No Place for Children
  • Pocket Change
  • Que Sera Sera
  • random cleverness
  • Real Life in South Carolina
  • sloppy kisses
  • So Midwestern
  • Stella and-or Ben
  • Sugar and Ice
  • This Fish Needs a Bicycle
  • 2 pink lines
  • Untangling Knots
  • What life is all about...
  • You Like Ashley

  • i'm a tv whore*

  • Gilmore Girls
  • Veronica Mars
  • America's Next Top Model
  • Super Nanny
  • American Idol
  • Lost
  • The O.C. (boo! it got cancelled)
  • The Office
  • Scrubs
  • Deperate Housewives
  • Paradise City
  • The Soup
  • Really rich real estate
  • Most show here except if it involves reality dating

  • archives*

    February 2007
    March 2007
    April 2007
    May 2007


    Mrs Brendon Urie