Friday, April 6, 2007
Tagged by Erin, not sure if I like this one or not, it's too vague. Means I actually have to think. List 5 things I've never before mentioned on this blog. Well, since it's a relatively new blog, that should be easy, right?
1) I have huge issues with my weight. I'm constantly unhappy with it, and go up and down about 40 pounds. I'm okay right now with where I'm at. Having the baby was a really easy way of gaining 50 pounds, but it took FOREVER (18 months) to get it off. I was bulemic at one point in my life, took metabolife for awhile, it's a never ending battle. It had a lot to do with how my mom dealt with weight. She was 5' 7" and never weighed more than 130 pounds, EVEN WHILE PREGNANT! I remember being about 9 and she told me that I had bigger thighs than she did. I was 9!!! Who does that? And on and on through my teen years, making comments on when I gained freshman 15 (or 20). Finally when I was 22 or so, I told her that when I had my own daughters, my mother could NEVER say anything to them about their weight, no matter what. Because I had been bulemic from my parent's pressure. Her response, "well you're not anymore are you?" She never said anything else about it, but to this day my dad hasn't said a word (he was almost as bad as my mom), except to say that I look good after losing the baby weight. I kind of wish my mom and I could have worked that out before she died, but I'm glad I was able to tell her how much it hurt me. And the thing is, I've never been really big (except for pregnancy, of course). I'm 5'7" and the most I ever weighed was 160. That's not huge.
2)I pull my eyebrows and eyelashes out. It's a disease, trychotylomania or something like that. It started my senior year of college, I was stressed about finals and taking metabolife, and I think the ephedra in that started it. I'm able to do it somewhat discreetly now, but at first I'd be missing huge chunks of hair. I'm working with my therapist, so hopefully I can stop. It's annoying! I go through so many eyebrow pencils a year!
3)I'm not ready to have another baby. At all. The idea scares me. I'm not sure if it's the thought of 2 little ones, or the fact that my husband is really driving me nuts.
4)If I had money, I would leave my husband. I know I've blogged about the crap he does, but I don't think I've ever said how unhappy I am. I'm really unhappy. I love him, but I don't love what he does.
5)I love cats. I have 4 of them. I miss them as much as I miss my child when I'm away. Ok, not quite that much, but quite a bit.
I tried to make 5 somewhat cheery since for some reason the others were really depressing. It turned out to just be sad. Sad and pathetic. I'm that crazy cat lady.